So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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