I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize