And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
