Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
