Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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