Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
