Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
