You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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