I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
