In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
