so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Someone signed my nipple.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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