I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The power of my boobs compel you
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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