why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
