I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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