You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
