My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
