I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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