oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
ttyl tear gas
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
