i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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