wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
