Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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