Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.