no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
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Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
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Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.