I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar