I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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