I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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