when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
