you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
