You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i love accidental penises.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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