I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
