the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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