just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
