I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
