My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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