Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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