Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
