I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
