I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
