just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
