she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
