I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
