I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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