Is it because I queefed?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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