Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
