Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
