I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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