I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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