she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
