it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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