But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
