just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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