He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
