I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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