Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
