I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
