His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize