He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
