Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
