After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
His nipple licking is glorious
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