so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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