i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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