So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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