Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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