she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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