It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
