the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
