Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
