This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
