So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
