Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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