As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
