thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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