this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
