cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
